Struggles with Addiction and Substance

Have you ever found yourself reaching for something to numb the pain, quiet the anxiety, or escape the overwhelm?

In this episode of 
Encounters at the Well
, we're having an honest conversation about substance addiction, numbing behaviors, and the hope of healing through Christ. Addiction often grows in secrecy and isolation, but freedom begins when we bring our struggles into the light and allow God and trusted others to walk with us toward healing.

We talk about why addiction is not just a physical battle but also a spiritual and emotional one, how shame keeps us stuck, and the important difference between conviction from the Holy Spirit and condemnation from the enemy. If you've ever felt trapped by a habit, behavior, or substance you can't seem to break free from, this conversation is for you.

You'll also hear practical, faith-based steps for recovery, healing, and finding lasting freedom through God's grace and truth.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation
• The difference between conviction and condemnation
• How shame keeps us stuck and grace helps us heal
• The importance of community and accountability
• Practical steps toward recovery and freedom
• Finding hope and healing through Christ

No matter how long you've struggled, your story is not over. There is hope, healing, and freedom available to you.

Connect with us:
Website: hopeandhealingchristianlifecoaching.com

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who may need this message today.

Website:  www.hopeandhealinglifecoach.com

Email:  amydonathan@hopeandhealing.faith

Transcript

Amy Donathan: Hey friend, and welcome back to Encounters with the Well. I'm Amy Donathan, and I am so glad that you're here. Today we're gonna keep going on our series of mental health and inner struggles, and we're gonna be talking about something that honestly we like to keep in the dark. So just know before we even dive in that this is a conversation. It's not a courtroom meant to judge you. It's just being able to bring out these hard things. that we keep in the dark, that we don't want anybody else to know and be able to deal with them because that is the only way that we will heal and be able to get rid of them. So today we're talking about substance addiction and numbing out. It's not fun, it's not pretty. But when we bring these things into the light, here's what happens. We can finally deal with them instead of pretending that they're not there. Because as much as you say that they're not there, they're still there. We start to see that it's not just me that's dealing with it. When we bring it to the light and other bring it people bring it to the light, we see that we are not the only one. That we are not the only one that loves Jesus and struggles with us. And we break the isolation that the enemy absolutely loves to use against us. And this isn't just me saying you should bring it to the light as a therapist. Scripture says in first John one seven, but if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his son, purifies us from all sin. Healing. Proverbs twenty eight thirteen says, Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. And James 5, 16 says, therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. When you put those all together, you get this picture. Hiding keeps us stuck, keeps us isolated. Light, confession, and I don't mean that. It's laying it out to everybody that you know. It's just admitting that this is what you deal with. Being courageous enough to admit that. And community, the people that God will put around you. That's where your cleansing and your mercy and your healing begin. But you know who hates that? Satan. First Peter five eight describes him like this. Be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion. Seeking someone to devour. Lions don't chase the herd. If you ever watch on Animal Planet or somewhere about lions hunting, who do they look for? They look for the weakest one, they look for the isolated one, they look for the one that is having issues. And so Satan loves when you sit in church and you privately think if anyone knew what I do to cope, they would be done with me. If anyone knew how much I drink or how I use my meds, they would judge me, they would say I wasn't a good Christian, they would say that I don't love Jesus. And so he also sits there on your shoulder whispering, You're the only one. Good Christian women, don't wrestle with this. You better keep this quiet and figure it out alone. If your faith were stronger, if you prayed more, if you were a better Christian, you wouldn't have this problem. But as long as you are isolated and ashamed, he knows that you are less likely to reach for help. Less likely to confess and less likely to get healthy. But God invites us to walk in the light with Him and with each other, not to expose us so He can tell us how disappointed He is in us, but so He can cleanse us, free us, and heal us. And so that's what this conversation is about today. Not throwing stones. We're here to turn the lights on, to look honestly at the ways that we are numbing out instead of healing and ask, Jesus, what do you want to do with this? So today I want you to ask this question. When my heart and mind feel like too much, what am I reaching for? And is it pulling me toward healing or deeper into hiding? I know that answer can be scary, but stay with me, and maybe by the end you will find out just how much you are loved and how much God wants to help you heal. So when we think about this, ⁓ we probably have an idea in our head of what an addict looks like. And so you might be thinking, you know what, this is not me. This episode has nothing to do with me. I don't do hard drugs, I'm not passed down the alley, I'm not homeless, I'm not stealing money to get the next fix. I hold a job, I'm a mom, I church I serve at church, I'm fine. You know, the typical answer you go to church, how are you doing? I'm fine. You're fine. So a lot of Christian women who deal with substance use and numbing out, they don't see themselves as an addict. So we say, you know what, this is not my issue. I don't have an issue. And so sometimes here's just I just want you to know like this is what numbing out can look like. It's having that bad day where you started and you had a glass of wine and then you had another bad day and that glass of wine became two glasses of wine and then you just had a bad season and that glass two glasses of wine have now become a bottle of wine every night. It's thinking aback about your life and the choices that you have made and choices that have been made against you and taking taking your anxiety meds or your pain meds not as they were prescribed, but just so you can have that detached feeling so you don't have to deal with all of those thoughts. It's using weed and edibles to take the edge off more and more often and finding excuses to do it. From a biblical perspective, addiction isn't only about what you're using, it's about what's mastering you. And scripture warns us against being mastered or enslaved by anything other than God. Addiction is when a substance or behavior quietly becomes your emotional savior. It's the thing that you run to first. It's the thing that you feel like you must have. It's the thing that you schedule your day around and plan for and look forward to in the evening. And it's the thing that you hide. And honestly, for many women, it starts where we've already been in this series. Anxiety, depression. Trauma and knowing that you pray and you read and you worship, and you still have some days that feel awful. And so we tell our things tell ourselves things like, if faith isn't taking this away overnight. I need something that will at least shut it up for a little while. And then you enter that numbing part. It's the helper. It's the thing that promises you don't have to feel this so much. Friend, if you feel like this is you, please know this. You are not broken. You are not a disappointment to God. You are a human being in pain who found something that kind of works until it doesn't and it takes over your life. The question is not are you a terrible Christian? The question is what are you running to and where is it actually leading you? And so we get stuck in this shame loop. And so for a lot of women, addiction and numbing follow this pattern. And it may not look exactly like this for everybody, but this is common. So the first thing that happens, there's trigger, there's pain, there's stress, your anxiety spikes, depression flares, a conflict happen happens, and you feel overwhelmed. And so you reach for the substance. I just need a little to calm down. I've had a bad day and I deserve this. And that gives you temporary relief. Your body relaxes, those thoughts get fuzzier, things dull out for a bit, and then the guilt and shame flood in. You wake up or you calm down and you think, why did I do that again? If I was a better Christian, I wouldn't have done that. If I had not Done these bad things, God wouldn't be disappointed, and I wouldn't be running to that. What is wrong with me? So you promise God and yourself never again. And maybe you throw something away, the bottle, the drugs, and you can maybe white-knuckle it for a few days. But then another trigger hits. It would be awesome if, you know, our early twenties was the hardest part of our life, and then when you got up to like the age 53 like me, that you know, life is all good and nothing bad ever happens anymore. But that's not reality. Reality is life is more like a roller coaster. So you can be coming out of something hard and be at the top, and then you'll go into something else hard. So it's gonna happen. And so without even thinking, because our brains are set to knowing what helps. And so you can't undo that in your brain. And so if it's alcohol and it knows your brain knows that you feel you think you feel better when you're on it, that's where you're gonna go back to because your brain remembers that I know, I know what helps. And you go back and the shame gets louder. Do you see that cycle? It's miserable. It is a miserable cycle to get into and it feels like it can never be broken. And so I just want to share a story about my life because these are hard conversations and I want you to know that I am not a distant observer or just talking to you from a therapist perspective. ⁓ and mine isn't habitual. Mine was one night that was bad. And it was after I was saved. I had been saved for a while. Like a a long time. Twenty years. And I had been a youth leader and I had worked in church and I had worked in vacation Bible school. And I had taken mission trips and I was a Christian counselor. I'm working towards that, I guess. And I knew better. But that night, Jeff and I had a big fight. I don't even I don't even remember what it was about. I just remember that we weren't getting along. And I went into the living room and I sat with my computer and at that time I was also trying to get my license to be a counselor. I was in my pre licensing. There's a pre licensing. So I already had that light, like a I can't remember what you call it, but I had was in the pre-licensing and I needed my, you know, official license. But I had to get hours for that. And hours meant working with people. And it was so hard and the numbers weren't adding up and I wasn't making a lot of money. So I had all of this guilt on me because I wasn't making a lot of money. And my hours weren't lining up. And Jeff and I were fighting. And so I went and got a drink. And then I went and got another drink. And so my spiral was and my cycle was in that time. Because I knew. I knew. But my trigger was the fight with Jeff and and looking at my hours and knowing that man, I'm gonna have to take another semester and I'm gonna have to pay for it, and all of that stress coming in. And so I got a drink, and that felt good. And then I got another drink, and that felt good. And I remember saying to myself, this is not right. My kids are still at home. I am not being a good example. I know better. But the feeling I got from having that drink made me feel better until it didn't. Until the guilt overtook me. I knew I wasn't turning to the Lord with this pain. I knew that I needed to tell Jeff I was spiraling. I knew I needed to or call my friend or text her and say, hey, I am not going doing good tonight. I am drinking. But I didn't do any of that. What stopped me was it was bedtime for the kids and so I had to do that. And that's when I stopped drinking then. Because alcoholism runs alcoholism runs in my family, and that's also a fear of mine, is that I could easily turn into that. And I saw myself there. And I didn't. And so God brought me to a place where He showed me that that night, that that's where I could go. And that's what stopped me. That's not to say that that's what's gonna stop everyone else. Or that's not what's gonna stop you, but that's what stopped me that night. I didn't want to be that. I grew up with that, drinking in my house, and I didn't want to be that for my kids. And God brought that to my brought that to my mind. And that's what stopped me that night. And has stopped me ever since. Not saying that I don't have a drink, but I don't drink like that. So know that if I because I'm sharing this with you, this is what I want you to hear. It's not that, ⁓ well, look at how good she is. I just want you to know that everybody has nights like that. ⁓ and maybe it's not substance abuse, maybe it's something else. But you are not the only woman who loves Jesus and has numbed out in a way that you're not proud of. I'm not proud of that night. But I am. happy that God used that night for me to be able to tell you this today. When we look at recovery and we look at healing, research and recovery ministries tell us that addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation. And recovery grows in honesty, community, and light. So the more you keep it hidden, the more it's gonna grow. Because more and more of that shame will come in on you. Sadly, church has not always been the safest place to bring addiction. Because we can go into church and we fear that if we are honest with what dealing with, we'll be met with shock. And gossip and judgment, or they will tell us things like, you need to pr just pray harder, you need to have more faith. Addiction is bondage. And that's just words of platitude that don't help. Because you've probably already done those things. So if this has been your experience in church, I'm sorry. Because that does not represent the heart of God. Because when we look at Jesus, we see a Savior who sat with broken, bound, and ashamed people. He did not minimize the sin, he did not say that their sin was okay. Many times he says he would say go and sin no more. But he also didn't flinch away from messy stories. He offered truth and tenderness at the same time. So if you recognize yourself in this loop or in my story, please know you are not the only one in church wrestling with this. You're probably not even the only one in your rope. The statistics on how many families are touched by addiction and substances, substance abuse are staggering. Nearly half of people report having friends or family affected by drugs and alcohol. And studies show that while religious involvement can lower the odds of substance abuse, it does not eliminate it. And so that translates into the faith community helps, but it doesn't make you bulletproof. That means it's in our churches. And so please know that if you feel like you're the only one in your church, you most likely are not. So when you feel that crushing guilt about your substance use, ask yourself, is this God? Is this God telling me this? And that brings us to our next thing, condemnation versus conviction. We need to talk about this because we stay stuck in addiction, not because of the substance, although sometimes that is part of it, but sometimes because we can't tell the difference between the enemy's accusations against us and the Holy Spirit's conviction. So let's break it down. Condemnation says you are disgusting. You're a fake Christian. God is sick of you. You will never change, so why bother? It's vague and heavy. It attacks your identity. It attacks who you are. It pushes you away from God and the community that He has put you in, and it leads you to despair and paralysis. Romans 8 1 says there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Jesus, the verdict over your life is already in. You are not guilty, you are not condemned. God is not standing over you with a hammer every time you fail. That means that that puts your addiction into the category of something you deal with, not something, not someone you are. Because conviction is different. Conviction sounds more like, daughter, this pattern is hurting you. You're using the substance to cope instead of coming to me. This needs to change, and I will help you. Conviction is specific and clear. It addresses a behavior, not your worth. Your worth was already settled at the cross when when when it says that for the joy set before him, Jesus faced the cross. You are Jesus' joy. You are the joy set before him. And the reason he went to the cross, that is your worth. He loved you so much he did that. Not substance abuse. That is something you deal with. Conviction. draws you towards God. Conviction leads you to repentance and restoration. So when you feel a wave of emotion after you use, ask yourself, is this pushing me into hiding? Or is it actually inviting me to run to God, confess, and receive grace and mercy? If it's making you want to run and hide, that is not the voice of your father. That's the enemy masquerading as holy. Psalm 42, the psalmist says, Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God. That's conviction energy. Noticing where you're at. It names what's real, but it also points towards hope in God. We also in previous episodes talked about Elijah in first first Kings 19. He was totally depleted and depressed. asking God to let him die. And God meets him with a snack and tells him to take a nap. And a and it's a whisper. It's not a lecture. He's not naming off all the ways that Elijah disappointed him. He's coming and he's caring and he's giving Elijah exactly what he needs. If God didn't condemn Elijah, and Elijah had just seen and been a part of one of the coolest, most amazing miracles. At least to me in the Bible. If God didn't condemn Elijah's despair, he's not condemning your addiction. He may convict you of it, but he's not condemning you because of it. He's inviting you to come out of the shadows and into a process of healing. Conviction really is a gift. It's God saying, I love you too much to leave you here. And I am going to keep telling you these are the things that you need to do. so here's some first brave steps out of hiding. Because if you heard all this and it resonated with you and you say that's where I'm at, your next question is, okay, well what do I do? This is not a retire entire recovery plan. It's just the next faithful moves that you can make to get you on that path. Number one, call it what it is with God. Not I've been stressed, I've had a rough day, I've been overdoing it. Pray something like, Lord, I have been running to the substance instead of you. I have crossed from casual use into dependence, and I cannot control it on my own. I need your help. The biblical counseling world often describes addiction as a heart and worship issue, a disordered love. An idol we turn to for comfort and escape. The good news is that anything in the category of sin, idolatry, or disordered worship can be confessed, forgiven, and healed through Christ. 1 John 1:9 says, if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So just talk to God about it. Tell one safe person. Addiction and numbing are almost impossible to fight on your own. So it may be a Christian counselor. It may be a pastor or a woman's ministry leader who you trust. It may be a Christ-centered recovery group like Celebrate Recovery. ⁓ Or a mature friend who will walk with you without gossip and without judgment. Number three, deal with body and soul. Addiction sits at the intersection of your brain, body, and spirit. So it's not unspiritual to need medical help, detox support, or a structured program. It's not a lack of faith to talk honestly with your doctor about your use. And it's not a failure to consider medication changes underwise oversight from your doctor. Research shows that people involved in communities often have lower rates of substance abuse, but when addiction is present in those faith communities, recovery usually recovery usually needs both spiritual support and practical treatment. So you can pray and go to rehab. You can memorize scripture and sit in a counseling session. These things are not enemies, they're teammates. Once you are in Christ, once you are his, Everything else is are just things that you deal with. They are not you, they are not who you are. You are his. That's your identity. You are his. Everything else is what you deal with, and you do that in ways that God brings to you and the people that he brings in your life, and through talking to him. Number four, replace numbing with real connection. You can't just yank out that numbing agent. And leave an empty space because it will fill back up with something else that is not good. You have to cognizantly replace it with real connection. You have to really think about what you're gonna replace it with. So maybe instead of going for the drink, you go for a walk and you have an honest prayer with God. On the days that are really hard and you know that you want to reach for a drink, text that friend and say, Tonight is really hard and I want to check out and have the drink or do the drugs or take my pills. Build rhythms of scripture and lament, not just victory verses, especially because you won't feel them yet. And lament is awesome. Lament is complaining to God about what you are feeling, what you are doing. It's just being honest with Him. And knowing that he's big enough to take it. And that is an act of faith. So just know this. When you take your things to God, it is faith. It is not weak faith. It is not a sign of weak faith. It is real faith because you are taking what you can't handle and giving it to somebody who you know can handle it. That is faith in God. We don't take things to people that we Aren't sure can help us. That is faith. Join a support group where you can say, I'm not okay today, and that's fine with them. They want you to be able to say that there. You can pray something like this to God. Lord, I want this drink more than I want to sit with these feelings. Help me want you more. Again, not weak faith, real faith, because you are taking it to God, our Father, who wants to help us. You are trusting Him with it. Number five, expect it to be mess messy and refuse to quit. Most people Do not walk a linear recovery story. There will be days where you feel really strong, and there will be days that you slip, and there will be days that you are tempted to say, I give up. I can't do this. This is just who I am. When that happens, I want you to remember that there is no condemnation for you in Christ. I want you to come back to the light quickly. And that is just laying it out to God. Like that that prayer of Lord, I want this more than I want you. Help me want you more. Recovery Ministries and Research both emphasize that relapse does not erase all progress. It's a data point. It is not your end. Just because you slip sometimes doesn't mean that all is is gone. It just means that you get up and you try again. Because believe me, God is far more patient with your process than you are, and He is not surprised about how long it takes. So, friend, if you are sitting in your car or hiding in your bathroom with your earbreds in and your heart is racing because you know this is touching your story, please hear this. You can love Jesus and still be struggling with substance use or numbing. That doesn't make you a hopeless case. It makes you a woman in need of a savior, just like the rest of us. So here's your assignment for this week. And if this touched you and this is where you are, please try to do this this week. Number one, name it before God. In your journal or out loud, finish this sentence. Lord, the way I've been numbing is and fill in the blank. Be brutally specific and honest. God is big enough to take it. Just like as moms, we are big enough to take it when our kids come to us and and tell us heavy things. Number two, ask this question to him. Is what I'm feeling right now condemnation or conviction? If it pushes you to hide, it's not him. If it causes you to repent and come close, it's his spirit. And number three, tell one safe person, not ten. Not everybody needs to know your business. And say, I think I have a problem with filling the blank. And then let them sit with you. Let them pray. Let them help you figure out the next right step. And please know this, you are not the one woman for whom this grace doesn't apply. And you do not have to be stuck in this cycle forever. And you are not walking this road alone. God is not asking you to manage this addiction in the dark. He's inviting you to bring it into the light where there is no condemnation, but very real conviction that leads to freedom. So I'm gonna ask you guys to pray with me now. Dear Jesus, I thank you for today. I thank you for the women who are listening to this, who find themselves in this situation. I pray that you help them to see that they are not alone. I pray that you give them the courage to find help. I pray that they today that you put people in their life that call them, that text them, that drop by, and you Just nudge them to tell these people where they're at. I pray that they look for the celebrate recovery or the other places that will help them heal. And I pray that you give them courage to come out of the dark with this so they can heal. And I pray for the for the woman listening to this who may not know you, Lord. I pray that she sees through this how much you love her and how much that you want her to turn to you. So that you can help her. And Lord, I just pray that she prays to you that she knows she's a sinner, she knows that the only way to be saved is through you, and that she gives her life to you to be Lord. And you say that if we confess with our mouth that you are Lord, that we will be saved. And so I just pray that for her. And I just thank you so much for all that you have done. And I pray expectantly and excitedly for all that you're going to do. In your name. Amen. So thank you for being here. Thank you for doing this hard work and listening to this hard conversation. Please know that you are seen and you are not alone, and there is so much hope ahead. Next time we're going to keep walking this mental health journey together and talk about behavioral addiction, such as food and pornography, and spending. So make sure you're subscribed, hit the like button, contact me if you need to talk. But don't miss our next episode.