Anxiety and Depression: Faith Doesn't Always Fix It

What happens when faith feels strong on the outside… but anxiety and depression are loud on the inside?

In this honest conversation, we’re talking about the real struggle so many Christian women face with mental health and why battling anxiety or depression does not mean your faith is weak. We dive into the intersection of faith and mental health, the role the church can play in healing, and why therapy can be a beautiful tool God uses in the process.

We also look at biblical examples of people who struggled deeply and remind ourselves that God is not intimidated by our pain, questions, or hard seasons.

If you’ve ever felt ashamed for struggling, this episode is for you. You are not failing God. You are human, deeply loved, and worthy of support and healing.

✨ Takeaways:
• Faith and mental health are not in competition
• Struggling mentally is not a sign of spiritual failure
• Therapy and biblical truth can work together
• God meets us with compassion in our hardest moments

I pray this conversation encourages you to take one more step toward healing, freedom, and hope. 🤍

Website:  www.hopeandhealinglifecoach.com

Email:  amydonathan@hopeandhealing.faith

Transcript

Amy Donathan: Hey y'all and welcome back. I'm Amy Donovan, your host of Encounters of the Well. And today we're going to be talking about something that, man, it's hard to talk about, but as a therapist, I know that it's important to talk about and that's depression and anxiety and why faith doesn't always fix it. And I don't mean that God can't fix it because he absolutely can, but he also sends us things. And so those are some of the stuff that we're going to get into today. if you were with me through the last series, we talked about some other hard things that maybe you identified with in the identity and self-worth series. And you know, that was the comparison trap and the people pleasing ⁓ and the perfectionism and the addiction approval. But what I hope that you out of that was how God really sees you in that performance has nothing to do with it. that you don't have to perform. And I hope that you got to lay that down. But I know that sometimes even when we do that, even when we know things, even when we know that God loves us and we can read those words and we do all the things and we know it in our head that God is love. He is faithful. He is steadfast. He does not want us to perform. We still have other things going on in us. And sometimes that's anxiety and sometimes that's depression and And we wonder as Christians, what's wrong with me? So not only do we have the anxiety and depression and we'll go into later about what that looks like, but then as Christian women or Christians in general, we have the guilt too. Like why? Why am I like this? Because you do what all good Christian women do. You open your Bible or you open your Bible app and you pray and you ask God to change it and fix it and you wait. And sometimes the depression, the heaviness, or the anxiety and the thoughts pinging in your head doesn't lift. And we get that second wave of guilt of if our faith were stronger, we would be better by now. God would listen to our prayers. Something's wrong with me, I'm broken. But let me tell you, nothing is wrong with you. And nothing about what you're doing or what you're feeling, the anxiety and depression, changes anything about who God says you are and how he feels about you. Please hear this, your faith and your mental health are not in competition with each other. You don't have to choose. Both things are true. And you're not alone in this. There are so many women that go through probably exactly what you go through. And let me let you know that depression and anxiety don't always look like what TV says they are or ⁓ What you might think they look like so Depression isn't always lying in bed crying and able to move Sometimes it looks like you get up every single day you take care of your kids you show up to work you smile in the church lobby But you feel absolutely nothing inside It's just blank and blah and nothing. You don't feel happy. You don't feel super sad. You just feel nothing. Sometimes it looks like that exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix when you slept all night long and you wake up and you feel like you just can't get out of bed. It looks like losing interest in the things that used to bring you joy. When you smile and you laugh at things but on the inside you don't feel it. You don't feel that happiness that you used to feel. It looks like going through the motions while something inside of you has gone quiet. And anxiety isn't always a panic attack. Sometimes it's that mental list that you have going that keeps running and running and running and never stops. Sometimes it's replaying that conversation from yesterday over and over and over and wondering if what you said sounded stupid or they thought you were dumb or if you said something wrong or then you realize you said something wrong. Like it's all of that. Or it's lying awake at 2 a.m. and trying to solve all these problems that may never happen. I call it the what if world. Do any of those things sound familiar to you? And here's what I need you to hear. Because this is important and this hopefully shows you that you're not alone but also hopefully shows you that it is a problem. It's not just all in your head. According to the CDC, depression affects 16 % of females compared to only 10 % of males. And over a third of women will be diagnosed with the depression at some point in their lifetime. That's not a small number. That's your small group. That's your carpool. That's the women sitting in your pew. And when it comes to anxiety, women are nearly twice as likely as men to experience an anxiety disorder. Nearly one in three women will meet the criteria for an anxiety disorder in her lifetime. One in three. You go out to eat with your friends. Two other friends. One of you is going to have an anxiety disorder. But here's another one that shows just how much it affects ⁓ people we care about. Among teenage girls ages 12 to 19, more than one in four are living with depression. So our daughters, our nieces, our granddaughters, they are carrying this too. And it starts young. So this isn't an issue that is just on the fringe of society. This is an us problem. It's in our neighborhoods. It's in our workplaces. It's in our homes. It's in our churches. And so just know this. I'm going to drop the links to the CDC and the NAMI and the anxiety and depression association ⁓ in the show notes just so you can, if you want to look at some more of the statistics, you can go look at them. But as Christian women, it's so hard sometimes to to admit that we have this stuff because we have the guilt. And we say things like, should trust God more with this. I should have more peace. Why can't I just get it together? And we go back to that comparison, like they have it together, they have it together, they're not dealing with this. I can't tell them. And we get that isolation of it's just me and it's not just you. It's probably lots of people that you know. that we are not talking about it. And so that's what part of what this podcast is about. It's just being able to talk about it and for you to see that it's okay. That it doesn't change what God thinks of you. And sometimes we have that guilt of not being good enough and not getting it together enough that it turns into shame. And so shame doesn't just say that I'm doing something wrong. Shame tells you that you are wrong. that you are broken, that because you can't get it together, you are a bad Christian. And it tells you that you're too much and you're not enough all at the same time. the real battle. shame takes your struggle, so the guilt that you're feeling, and it tries to turn it into your identity. it wants you to make that the definition of who you are. And so, like I said before, what do we do with it? We hide it. We perform. We overperform. We serve on Sundays and we spiral on Mondays or we spiral Sunday night. But let me tell you from a therapy perspective that hiding it, not talking about it doesn't heal it. And all the performing is just exhausting. It's not helping it. But some of that hiding that we do started because of messages that we picked up along the way. Sometimes even in our church communities, sometimes at home, there was a whole generation of people that we didn't talk about mental health. And I'm so thankful that we are getting into a place where we do talk about it. But sometimes it's at church. We're afraid to talk about it. ⁓ But the church plays a huge role in how Christian women process their mental health struggles. A recent survey from the American Psychiatric Association found that 60 % of adults say their faith or spirituality is an important factor in supporting their mental wellness. And I can tell you as a Christian therapist, that's absolutely true. ⁓ Most people I work with come to me because I'm a Christian counselor and they want that to be part of what their therapy is. So a majority of the people are already connecting faith and mental health. But only 52 % of people in religious communities say their churches discuss mental health openly and without stigma. 68 percent. That's a big number and that means that the church has more influence over whether women get help than almost any other factor. And so what is said from the pulpit in small groups and passing conversations after service, it matters more than we realize that we need our faith community to be okay with us not being okay and needing extra help. As a Christian therapist and a Christian life coach, I want to tell you something about how I approach every person that walks through my door. I don't see them as just a client. I see them as a divine appointment from God that everybody that comes across my path that God allows into my therapy practice is there because he allowed them there, because he knew that through me he could help them. And it's not about me. It's about how God sees mental health and how God sees these people that he brings into other people's lives that he uses them to help. And so that's how I see my therapy practice is that I am just his vessel and he brings people to me that he can help through me. So don't look at therapy as something that says that you don't have any faith because that is not what it is at all. I sit with many women and some men that faith is huge to them and they just don't know how to get from where they are to where they need to be. And that's what God works through me to help them. But sometimes, you know, we hear things and if you've heard these and you take them to be truth, then it's really hard to be able to go and find help. And so maybe it's just pray more. You need to read your Bible. If you had enough faith, you wouldn't feel this way. That one, ugh, gets me. It's a spiritual attack. Rebuke it. You just need to trust God more. And you know what? Yes. We probably all could pray more. We probably all could trust God more. We could probably all read our Bible more. ⁓ Yes, we are spiritually attacked all the time. but God allows community and part of that community is the people that help us. And sometimes that looks like a therapist. And so yes, maybe you didn't need to pray more, but maybe you can't pray and your therapist, if you get a Christian therapist, can pray over you. I do that all the time. I try to pray for my clients after every session. And I'm not saying this to pat myself on the back. I'm just saying that maybe that's what they need. And maybe that's what you need. But when you hear things like that, what you really hear instead of just those words is your pain is your fault. Your faith isn't good enough. Get it together. And we go back to what we learned in the identity and self-worth. The unspoken message, you are not enough. If you were enough, you wouldn't be dealing with this. And that is not what the gospel says. Jesus doesn't ask us to be enough before we come to him. And so that is false. Something else that research has found is that Christian women are more likely to rely solely on prayer and church community when they're struggling, which can sometimes delay getting the professional help that you actually need. And I'm not saying that it's wrong. It's not a criticism of prayer or community. I pray every day. And my community, my small group, is one of the things that I look forward to and I protect that time the most. They are powerful. and they are necessary. But again, God gives us people, he gives us doctors, he gives us therapists and counselors for a reason. I know I was called to be a therapist, to be a coach, to be a speaker on godly things, to help women, to do this podcast. Because there's a message that God needs to get out. And so sometimes the most faithful thing that you can do is is to latch on to those people that God has sent in your life to help. ⁓ Find a church that talks about it. Don't be afraid to reach out. God wants your wholeness, your healing and your freedom. And He will give you exactly who you need. You just have to turn and accept it. Psalm 34, 18 says, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. So that shows us that God moves toward our pain, not away from it. And so we should do the same thing. If you are experiencing pain, if you depression, anxiety, anything else, don't run from it, don't hide it. Find someone that can help you. And so let's talk more about what the Bible says about all of this because you may be surprised. The scripture, when you read it, is not a highlight reel of everybody who has it all together. And this is who we should be. It's full of real, broken, struggling human beings. who God met right in the middle of their mess. Not after they got out of the mess, right in the middle. And not one of them lost their identity in God because of their struggle. Not one. They were all God's children. That never changed. God's love for them never changed because of what they were going through and what they brought to Him. So I wanna talk about Elijah. And so if you haven't ever read, about Elijah, go read it. It's an awesome story. He had just... gone through one of the best, funniest miracles to me, funny, that was in the Bible. mean there are a lot of them, but this one was great. He was with other people who worshiped another god or gods and they both built altars and the thing was that they were going to call on their god to rain down fire to burn up their altar. And so the other people went first and they built their altar and it they called on their God and called on their God and called on the God and the funny part to me was Elijah was like, maybe he's sleeping. Maybe he's on a trip. So to me, that was funny because Elijah knew God, he knew God was the only God that could do what they were asking. And so they even like with all of their running around and chanting, they tore down Elijah's altar. He built it back up and not only did he build it back up, he made a moat. He poured water on it and water on it and water on it and then he called on the God of the universe to rain down fire and God did. He rained down fire, burn up the altar. That's where he was coming from. That place. Then Queen Jezebel said she wanted to kill him and he took off. He got scared and he took off. He just saw all of it that God did and he still got scared and took off and in first Kings 19 it says he tells God I have had enough Lord take my life so he wanted to die because he was so scared and he was so tired and he was so overwhelmed and burnt out He wasn't lacking faith. He had just seen God do amazing things. He was burned out, exhausted, depleted. Ever been there? That doesn't change who you are in God. That just shows that you're human. And what did God do? He sent an angel with food and water and told him to rest. A nap and a snack. That's what Elijah needed. God didn't tell him to get it together. He didn't tell him to stop being worried. He didn't tell him when he got it together, then they would talk. He didn't tell him that he's kicked out of the family because he had this crisis and these thoughts. He said, here's a snack and take a nap. He didn't lecture. He gave him rest and nourishment because he knew that's exactly what Elijah needed. So Elijah's identity and God as God's prophet didn't change because he fell apart. And hear this, yours doesn't either. You can fall apart and yours, your identity, your purpose does not fall apart. And then there's David, the man after God's own heart. Psalm 88 is one of the darkest passages in all of scripture. David cries out in absolute despair and the Psalm ends. No resolution. no tiny boat, just darkness. it was his cry to god about where he was and how he felt. And that was it. Just that cry to God. And God included that in His word to us. So we can read it. It's called lament. Lament is when we take our complaints and our fears and our disappointments and our depression and our anxiety and everything that we're feeling and we just take it to the one who can take care of it. That is faith. Having those feelings is not a lack of faith. Because when you take them to God, it shows that you have faith in a person who can handle it and carry it when you can't. It's faith in Him doing that. David was still the man after God's own heart, from pit. because David's faith was shown when he took all of that and just gave it to God. And then there's Jesus. In the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before he was crucified, Matthew 26, 38 records Jesus saying, my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Just let that sink in for a second. Jesus, fully God, fully man. Described his emotional state as overwhelmed to the point of death. He was not performing strength. He was honest about his suffering. So if Elijah burned out, David lamented with that resolution, and Jesus himself was overwhelmed with sorrow, then struggling is not a sign that your faith is broken. It's a sign that you're human. And being human was never a disqualifier of your identity in God. It was the whole point. God came in human form to redeem every part of your humanity, including your mental health. He made you. He knows what you carry and he meets you there. So we've established that struggling is not a faith failure, but here's where it gets personal because depression and anxiety don't just affect how you feel, they affect how you see yourself. In fact, go far as saying this. When depression and anxiety speak the loudest, they're always attacking the same thing. Who God says you are. Depression lies, anxiety lies, and they're very convincing. So here's something important that I want you to understand about how each one works. Depression, ⁓ most time, has its eyes fixed on the past. It replays what you've lost, what you failed, what you... what can never be undone. It says look at what you've done, look at what you used to be. Nothing will ever be different than it is right now. Depression tells you that you are a burden, that you are too broken to be used by God, that the numbness you feel is just who you are now. And anxiety is almost the opposite. Anxiety lives in the future a lot. It borrows trouble from tomorrow. It is that what if world. Next week, next year. You play out every worst case scenario before anything has ever happened. And I can bet that if you go back and look, probably 99 % of the things that you thought would happen didn't happen. But it's always this constant hum that is just in your head. And it tells you that you're just one mistake away from falling apart. That you are not enough. That if people really knew what was going on inside your head, they would leave. And those are all lies. But when you're in that fog of anxiety and depression, they feel like facts. They feel real. And there's a beautiful thing about that because God addresses both of those. He says, I have redeemed your past and I hold your future, which means that the only place that he is asking you to live is right here in the present right now with him. Don't worry about the past and don't worry about the future. He's got both of those. Just be present with him right now, because in Christ, you are already enough. You are already loved. You are already his. The fog doesn't change that just because what you feel. seems like fact, doesn't make it fact. So what do you do when you can't feel it? You borrow it. That's what your community is for. That's what scripture is for. That's what a good therapist, a trusted friend, or a life coach is for. When the fog is too thick to see clearly, you let someone else speak truth over you until you can hold it yourself. Second Corinthians 1, three through four calls God the father of compassion. and the God of all comfort who comforts us in all of our troubles. Not some troubles, all troubles. And Psalm 34, 18 reminds us that he is close to the brokenhearted, not disappointed, close. Your identity is not determined by how you feel on your worst day. You are still seen, you are still known, you are still loved. Depression doesn't get to rewrite what God has already declared over you. You are his. Period. So let's talk about getting help because knowing all of this is one thing, but healing requires action. And here's why healing matters. Not just so you feel better, but so you can live fully from who God created you to be. And your healing is connected to your purpose. Cause I promise you that your healing will be used in your purpose to help other people. And God is a personal God. He knows exactly what you need and will lead and guide you to exactly. what will be for your good. Whether that's to a person or to a community, God will lead you there and your road to healing will not look like anyone else's. For some of you, it may look like making that first therapy appointment. Maybe it's having that honest conversation with your doctor. some, it's finding a community of women who will just sit with you instead of handing you a Bible verse and walking away. For others, it's all of the above. Maybe you need all of it. Maybe you need a therapist. Maybe you need medication. Maybe you need a community of women. And so here's what I need you to release. The idea that taking medication means your faith is weak. It does not. It is something that could help you. The idea that seeing a therapist means you don't trust God. Not true either. And I promise you that the people that I sit with in a therapy session or in a coaching session, it's not because they don't have faith in God. It's because they need help finding the way to get to where they want to be to the purpose that God has for them. The idea that needing help is somehow less spiritual than white-knuckling it alone, like you should be able to do this on your own. You can't. You can't. One, you need God to help you. And two, the way God helps you is sometimes bringing people into your path. God made you a whole person, body, mind and spirit. Your emotional and mental well-being is part of that. So honoring your mental health is not a lack of faith. It's stewardship for what he created. And so think about it this way. If you broke your arm, or if I broke my arm and I came to you and said, you know what, I'm just gonna pray about it and not go get help for it, you know, it'll heal. You would think it was crazy. Cause you're like, no, that's why we have doctors. You can't do this on your own. You cannot. Set your arm by yourself. It needs to be set. Mental health is the same thing. Sometimes we can't do it on our own. Just because it's not a in front of us, you know, break of an arm or leg or scratch because it's mental emotional, doesn't make it any less hard to heal. And sometimes we need, we need somebody who knows more to help us. So prayer, scripture, therapy, medication, community, rest, honest conversations. None of these are less Christian than the others. They're all tools in the hands of a God who is deeply committed to your wholeness. And your wholeness matters because a woman who knows who she is in Christ and is walking in healing, she is unstoppable for the kingdom. And you are allowed to use every single one of those things. So before I let you go today, I want to leave you with something to carry with you. So you can say this out loud or you can write it down, put it your phone, tape it to your mirror. But it's this, I am not less faithful because I am struggling. God is not disappointed in me. He is not distant from me. He is near and I am allowed to get help. I am his daughter and that has not changed by what I feel, what I fear or what I'm facing. For some of you, that's the first time you've given yourself permission to believe it. Here's one step this week, just one. Tell a safe person how you're really doing. Not I'm fine. Not, I'm tired. The real answer. And then see what happens. Don't be afraid to, if that person tells you, hey, I know a therapist, to call the therapist. But it doesn't have to be a long conversation. It just has to be honest. If you don't have a safe person yet, that's okay. Start with God. Tell him exactly how you're feeling. He already knows, but there's something powerful about saying it back to him. And if you're a place where you need more support, please reach out to a licensed counselor or therapist. There's no shame in that, none. And a lot of times it is just a conversation. So let's pray. Lord, I'm asking you to meet every woman who listened today right where she is, in the fog, in the racing thoughts, in the heaviness, in the numbness. Meet her there. Remind her that she is not alone. She is not broken beyond repair and remind her who she is. She is your daughter loved before she did anything to earn it, held before she knew she was falling. Give her the courage to take one brave step toward healing this week and let her feel your presence when the feelings lie. In Jesus name, I pray these things in expectation. Amen. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today at Encounters of the Well. Next time, we are going deeper as we talk about substances and addiction. Because sometimes when that pain gets loud enough, we reach for something to make it stop. That conversation is coming up. So until next time, you are seen, you are known, you are his, and you are loved.